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#21: My Daughter’s Feelings and how I Unknowingly Hurt Them

I consider myself to be pretty observant.  It’s actually what a do for a living being a private investigator.  And before being a private investigator I worked in the loss prevention field, and before that I was in the Army.    I like to people watch and analyze the behavior of others.  As a husband I try to analyze my wife actions frequently to see if something is bothering her and most importantly if I had done something to bother her.

For as smart as I am ( or as smart as I think I am) I still make mistakes as a parent and husband. I’d like to think I don’t but I do. The worst and best part of making mistakes is when I realize what I did.  I am glad that I realized the mistake I made but sad that I even made it.  A situation with my daughter that took place a few months ago still rests in my mind.  I unknowingly hurt her feelings and it just breaks my heart as I could only imagine how she must of felt.

Overprotective parentsYa see I am bit of a wrestling fan.  Not the fake WWE wrestling fan (ok well a little) but Olympic, college and high school wrestling fan.  It’s something about a sport that is individual and does not rely on others to determine your value in the sport.  Never the less I am hoping my son will participate in the sport when he gets older and will enjoy it as much as I did over the years.

So when I came across a video of a wrestling tournament filled with youngsters around the age of 4 years old I wanted to show my son to see if he was interested in it.  I was in my office so I yelled for him to come into the office to see the video.  My daughter was curious as to what I wanted to show my son and she made it into the small office first and stood beside me.  My son eventually made it in but couldn’t see the computer because daughter was standing beside me and there was little room left to see the computer.


I slightly (seriously barely) nudged my daughter so that she would take one step back so that my son could see that video as well.  I started the video and looked at my daughter as she watch the video.  She was upset but tried not to show it.  My dumb daddy brain quickly analyzed how the situation had evolved.

I asked my daughter what was wrong and she replied, “Nothing”.  I of course didn’t believe her. 

Moments later she started to walk out of the room and at this point I didn’t care about the video.  I was more worried about her feelings.  I asked her to stay in the room and finish watching the video but she replied that she didn’t want to see it anymore.

I asked my son to step out of the office and kept asking my daughter to stay in the office to talk to me.  She kept telling me nothing was wrong and she just didn’t want to see the video.  I told her I didn’t believe her.

I eventually got straight to the point and asked her if she thought I was nudging her because I didn’t want her to see the video.  She eventually said yes and that was the reason she was upset.

I apologized to her profusely and tried to explain to her that I only wanted her brother to see the video as well because the office was small.  I hugged her and told her I loved her and that I didn’t mean to make her feel that way. 

Despite my apologizes I still felt like turd and I know if my dad would have done a very small thing like that with me, it would have hurt my feelings even if it was unintentional.  

So to my daughter, if you get a chance to read this down the road someday, just know that I am sorry and I will never intentionally try to hurt your feelings or make you feel as if I don’t want you to participate in something.  I love you dearly and I am so proud of you.

Parenting Advice

I think that if there is anything that you can take from my brain fart is to pay attention to your children responses.  Kids aren’t always going to express what hurts.   Just keep an eye out for what could be hurting you children without you even knowing.  This isn’t an overprotective thing or a helicopter parent thing.  This is a strive to be a better parent thing.

Until next time, have a great week overprotective parents.


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